Finding Joy


full of pain and sorrow,

fall down my face in streams,

accompanied by gasps and sniffles as I sob silently into my hands.



in a room full of people,

a room full of people who make me feel like less,

who make me feel out of place, different, abnormal.



in a place where no one can hear my cries,

in my bittersweet retreat from reality,

but somewhere that loneliness still finds me.



the strongest, most beautiful feeling in the world,

is my only escape, my only salvation,

the only place where loneliness can’t seem to find a crack.



afraid every day that I will lose that salvation,

that I will lose it and fall apart,

that I will fall apart and never be able to put the pieces back together again.



happy to love, happy to be loved, happy to be in love,

happy through the fear, happy through the ever-creeping loneliness,

happy through the pain and sorrow of my tears,


because, in life, what is there to do but fight through the sadness and find the joy?


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